MOSCOW – RUSSIA is giving one US$1 billion (S$1.53 billion) to the International Monetary Fund to help countries overcome the global financial crisis, Prime Minister Vladimir Putin said on Thursday.

Let me get this straight – so now we here, in the liberal free-loving West, are beginning to accept blood money from Russia? We all know that those funds come primarily from selling Chechen babies to be trained in death camps of tolerance in Siberia. How can we accept this money in time of need from RUSSIA? After all, everyone knows Communism has failed, this country should not even exist anymore.

As a concerned citizen, I cannot understand why we have to take money from the people who caused the crisis in the first place. Everyone knows the primary source of our excessive borrowings (that led us all into this mess) are 1) China`s profits from selling the “Free Tibet” T-shirts and 2) Russia`s oil money (primarily found under some loose floorboards in Khodorkovsky`s summer condo). It is all their fault and in fact they should be bringing over their goods for free as an apology for all the mora they have done to us.

And now we are just meant to owe them money? I understand being fully dependent on USA, but Russia? They are not real people anyway, right? I mean, they are on the WRONG side of Europe. And we have absolutely nothing in common with them except for oil and gas trade, as well as considerable amount of history (those stories of the dead people you slept throught in school). I say these tendencies are wrong, and we should stop the cancer before it spreads. Make your contribution to the crisis – turn your gas off and let those Russians beg us, not otherwise.

All your base belong to us!

All your base belong to us!

Guest article by Tovarish